I recently got a copy of Dragon NaturallySpeaking, so I could type by dictation. (This decision arose partly from recurring tennis elbow that makes typing painful, and partly from my frustratingly long commutes from Redmond.) I thought I could dictate the text of the book I’m working on for my online dating consultation company while I was stuck in traffic, ya know? So I busted out the old Logitech headset-with-mic that I haven’t used since WoW raiding days of yore, and I gave it a whirl for the first time this morning.
OH MY GOD. This isn’t even close to language. It honestly reminds me of the linguistic disorder I learned about during college called Wernicke’s Aphasia, in which a certain area of the speech center of the brain is damaged in such a way that patients retain animated, fluid speech that is completely content-less and incoherent. A nickname of this syndrome is “word salad“.
Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that my voice dictation software needs a wee bit of training before it accurately captures my speech. You can’t make this shit up, people. Enjoy.
Good morning I’m currently working on Asian spies is a little bit reengineering however,.
I have no idea Latin American 1110. I know that I know he is. I know there’s a lot of know if you
everyone is getting done in.
In an online dating? Congratulations and that no one can and that if you give.
And I would leave you. If there is? Difficult mountain.
One.
Waiting for a late-night everything? No I’m not minimum. You and your women noted by you. The diagram that you doesn’t mean you’re writing your danger personality enlightened on a brand-new look at all of your photograph exhibit name marble on the lottery. There is no need to go back to year of of the mainstream not been any young you begin here know. Usually Baden-Württemberg you know, the one in which you genuinely enjoying yourself, that was your you and your winning I’m you ever do you mean, you are using your picture and the a lot of John you are right the beauty of digital cameras being a mean we you know when you zoom into the living room you.
We know he means it when you knew you were the one I didn’t know I you never really know that you do you mine. You need me to write it down when I heard 1. However, the remaining years of online meeting you in your you are you reasonable me know if you, or newly named online. You never really know if you get a airport, the little white lie already you may how do you know you are you. However he is the you, you you you you you you you you, you invited me. I leaned that you didn’t find the other person wonderful, were a worry anyway not right for you. You are the you are reading now start, to know if you are you are oh you are you. I normally, though, if you’re going to be easy,
So there’s this stupid little head shop in Fremont and Lake City called Piece of Mind. Now you MIGHT think that’s a cute little pun, but let’s examine things closer. Take a look at their logo to the left.
So that’s a PEACE symbol, right? Like, world peace, peace on earth, peace and goodwill. Or PEACE of MIND. So you see, the name PIECE OF MIND would only be a good pun if the interpretation of the homonym /pIs/ that they were going for was, in fact, the PIECE meaning. I.e. a piece of pie, let me give you a piece of my mind, etc. FOR EXAMPLE.
So unless they’re trying to indicate that their shop, instead of giving one ‘piece of mind’, actually somehow robs them of a small piece of their mind, then they’re clearly not quite grasping the concept here. And if, in fact, the whole piece thing IS in fact their desired marketing angle, then God help us all.
As another case study, let’s take a looksie at an example of a GOOD pun using the term /pIs/: Peace a Pizza, whose logo and name ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE. Because, you see, traditionally you eat a PIECE of pizza, so changing their name to reflect the PEACE meaning instead is actually a valid pun here, that’s witty and consistent with their logo and branding. Please take note, stoners of Seattle. Put down the pipe and pick up a thesaurus.
GOD THIS INFURIATES ME SO MUCH EVERY TIME I DRIVE BY THE PLACE. Thank you for letting me get it off my chest, Imaginary Readers. All better now.
So in a nutshell, working at Nintendo has been lovely. According to company policy, however, I shall not be discussing anything remotely contentful relating to my work there.
Thus, Imaginary Readers, I leave you with this linguistic/gamer tidbit. On the fridge in the break room, there is a sign that asks employees to take home their food “nightly”. And of course, someone added an extra K.
I pretty much never watch commercials these days, since it’s 2008 and all. Praise DVR technology. But when I’m watching background TV while cooking or cleaning or some other around-the-house hands-on task, I’ll let the commercials run so I don’t have to interrupt my activity. And thus begins the rage/bafflement at the few ads that do get through to me.
I just saw one such Dunkin Donuts ad on Comedy Central, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it.
On the one hand, it’s potentially funny, I guess — I’m a total sucker for musical spoofs, and I laughed out loud at the baffled array of faces. But on the other hand, Grant puts it blunter than I do (for once):
[18:35] Hasukawa: Man, I’m tired of the “OMG WTF FANCY COFFEE?! I JUST WANT A COFFEE! HA HA HA” joke.
[18:35] Hasukawa: It’s, like, 20 years old. Fuck you.
I’m notorious for getting songs repetitively stuck in my head, and I’m also notorious for obsessing over rhyme and meter, creating accidental crap-tastic parody songs of any melody my poor ears are subjected to. The OCD functions in my brain will refuse to do anything useful or productive on a given day, but I can make up my own song-spoof tunes like you wouldn’t believe.
And now, during one of the busiest weeks at work, when I need all my extra brain-power for linguistic testing, all I can do is parse everything I read (in three languages) into Camptown Races ditties, and mentally scan texts and spreadsheets and command-prompt windows for isolated snippets with the appropriate number of syllables.
Thanks a LOT, Lore. I’m going to somehow hack a clip of “This is the song that never ends…” to play nonstop on your page. I have no idea how (or when), but someday I will exact this inane revenge plot, just you wait.
Just the other day, I overheard someone saying that he “sunk up with [a coworker]” about a certain issue at a meeting. HA! Right, because “synchronize (up)” shortens to “sync (up)” which sounds like the verb sink, past tense sunk… God. That would make a great paper topic, “Syntactical innovation with verbal homonyms” or something. Man do I miss being a linguistics student sometimes.
Some more Catalan words for which we have no exact equivalent (and keep in mind this is just a SMALL sampling):
camaleònic - chameleon-like
ignívom - that vomits fire (I assume this is akin to fire-breathing? But no, they don’t have to compound to express that concept, there’s a WHOLE WORD for it!)
galamó - double chin
Not to mention that in Spanish, there are words for the sore muscles you get from working out (agujetas), for the dark circles you get under your eyes after not sleeping (ojeras)…
I know English is a rich language and all, but, I’m just sayin’ - I respect a language that needs no word-breaking characters to express such thoughts. See? Even “word-breaking”. I bet at least one clan of the Romance language folks have a single word for that concept too, but I can’t look it up, because it’s not a single word in English. Sigh. These are the obstacles I face this Monday. Could be worse, I agree.
I’m so very, very excited to start my new job on Monday. (For those of you imaginary readers who weren’t aware - today is my last day at Devir; Monday I start as a contractor at Microsoft.) Not only am I thrilled to be doing something I’m fascinated by, but I’m also excited for some of the more trivial-seeming aspects of the new gig - there’s an awesome cafeteria in the same building where I work, where you can set up with your laptop or book and eat delicious healthy food while zoning out and escaping from work for a bit; the campus has excellent bus service, so I’ll be able to catch up on reading and mp3-ing and possibly DS-ing if Grant loans it to me enough; speaking of, his work is 5 min. away so we’ll be able to commute together some of the time, plus I can join his crew every once in a while; not to mention that we’ll be able to sync up our schedules a bit more. Small perks, sure, but they add up!!!
Plus did I mention I’ll be working on CATALAN LINGUISTICS? Yeah. Life is good right now. :) I’ll miss Devir a lot though; I’ll miss incredibly relaxed office, and all my awesome contacts from around the globe. Cuidense mucho everyone.
So there’s this stupid little head shop in Fremont and Lake City called 
And if, in fact, the whole piece thing IS in fact their desired marketing angle, then God help us all.
