—–Original Message to Facebook—–
From: Virginia Culler
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: PRIVACY-BUGS: “Wallster” app — spam/worm

User id: xxxxxxxxx
Description of problem: I received a message from an alleged Facebook app called “Wallmaster”, informing me that a picture from my profile had been used on xxxxxxx.com.  This appears to be a very sketchy site.  The friend who allegedly sent me this message did not in fact send it (I have informed her of this fact), and the app does not appear to actually exist.  I’d like to forward you the email, but you don’t seem to up-front about providing an email address (understandably).  If you’d like to provide me with an address to which I could send the email in question, you’d probably be able to crack down on this a bit better.  As it stands, I can only paste it in:

2008/11/10 Facebook <wallmaster+m1mh~hdm@facebookmail.com>

Lauren wrote on your Wall:

“has anyone emailed you to let you know your faceboook pic was just featured on dinascript.com”

To see your Wall or to write on Lauren’s Wall, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/xxxxxxxxx

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

___
Want to control which emails you receive from Facebook? Go to:
http://www.facebook.com/editaccount.php?xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks and let me know if I can be of additional help!

–Virginia

Browser: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.9.0.3) Gecko/2008092417 Firefox/3.0.3

_____

Hi Virginia,

As part of the new site design we have updated the “Friends” box to offer more customization options.  To edit these settings, simply navigate to your profile page and then click on the pencil icon in the upper right hand corner of the “Friends” box.

The Edit Box that appears will allow you to specify how many friends are displayed and which friends you always want to show.  If you want to ensure that friends from certain networks appear, you can select those networks in the “Include friends from” section.  Finally, checking the “Show Networks Section” will display a list of all of the networks your friends are in.

We hope that you enjoy these changes and welcome any feedback.  Let me know if you have any further questions.

Thanks for contacting Facebook,

Daisy
User Operations
Facebook

_____

Me again.  So what just happened?  Did you actually READ my message, “Daisy”?  Taking bets as to whether or not this is yet another Facebook virus — ten bucks says “Daisy” doesn’t really exist (unless it’s like a subtle nod to Kubrick, and Facebook is actually powered by HAL?).  Ah well, now I know all about the new Facebook (TM) customization options.  So there’s that!

A as in Alfred (always used in conjunction with H, below)
B as in Bat (because NOTHING else sounds like “bat”, right?  Totally safe choice)
C as in chlamydia (I kid you not, it was the first thing that popped into my mind.  I think I’d just watched a CSI rerun or something.); also C as in clavicle
D as in Delphi; D as in dingo
E as in Euclid (total failure — of COURSE they put a U when I did this.  Also, who the foxtrot remembers geometry names and also works at a call center?)
F as in frog
G as in gorilla (sensing a theme); also G as in guano (see B, above)
H as in Hitchcock (see A)
I as in Iggy Pop (and I don’t even listen to his music)
N as in Nigeria
R as in roulette; R as in red (another smashingly clear choice)
U as in Uganda
X as in xylophone
Z as in Zimbabwe

…and so on and so forth.  So the other day, when a post-ROTC coworker of mine exclaimed “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!” over something on my computer screen, I immediately hijacked him from his actual work and made him teach me the entire NATO alphabet thingy and force me to repeat it back to him until I had it down pat.  So now I’m theoretically able to communicate the spelling of awkward names much more easily (except for ones containing the letter K — I always forget that one, because “kilo” is NOT A WHOLE WORD, people!  Sheesh!).

Never been prouder.  Victor Alpha out.

(To be fair, there are indeed grass lawns throughout this park.)

Coming next month: “Wet Water Lake”. Should be a friggin’ riot.